How the hell is our 21st century marriage existing amongst the hustle and bustle of our busy lives?

My personal journey ... by Chantelle Dasrath 🙌

Shew! Yeah I’m really going there!

So, if you follow me closely, you would have ascertained by now that we,(my family & I),never have a break. We are always on a move with no time to even enjoy our new apartment.

To be honest , we recently moved in & this is the only weekend that we have absolutely no plans. Aaaah the bliss of waking up late … haha that never happens!

So back to my topic...

On my recent trip to Durbs last weekend, I realized that everyone is always on the move and well we sometimes neglect crucial parts of our relationships.

Lately,I have heard of broken marriages,affairs,social media secret relationships and the sad list goes on.

Someone asked me for some advice on how to be happy in a marriage and that’s when it hit me that people are broken and need some sort of upliftment that there is hope at the end of the tunnel.

I am not saying I am in a perfect marriage but I can surely give you some tips on how to be genuinely happy!

What is a perfect marriage?

I’m probably married to the world’s most patient husband,he is extremely hands on in every sector of our lives and relationship.

From cleaning diapers for our little one to making sure my clothes are ironed when our helper is not around,he does it all.

(Well, everything except DIY around the house hahaha),he’s not a DIY guy,he will call a service provider to hang a frame or get the garden service guys to change the light bulbs around the house.Well lately, it's my very hands-on bro in law Peron who is also such a gem that changed our light bulbs and bought the damn light bulbs as well!

We have been married for 5 years now and over the years I have learnt that marriage and a relationship is based purely on your relationship with God.

Look , I am not here to sugar coat married life , but I can assure you that when taking your vows on your wedding day , those vows were taken before God,so you gotta honor that and live by that.

Being human obviously means we slip up every now and then and make mistakes but having a partner that supports and stands by you is extremely vital.

My relationship with my hubby is very open, we do almost everything together.

I have recently discovered that many women even after being married are afraid/shy to do things in front of their hubbies.

Which century are you living in darling?

Let me be the first to empower all you gorgeous ladies on this “never to be spoken of issue”.

1. Men want women to be open and confident!

2. Men crave confident women!

3. A confident woman always wins!

THAT'S JUST HOW THE FLIPPEN COOKIE CRUMBLES!

So, if you are having some issues in that sector, please pull up your damn stockings! (Make sure they're fish-nets 😝)

I have terrible IBS – Irritable bowel syndrome and believe me I am not afraid to catch a crap in front of my hubby , in fact the whole damn family – my son , hubby and helper always end up in my bathroom with me when nature is calling.

Apparently that is the only time they can discuss things with me and get the answers they are looking for 😂

Probably TMI for some of you,but let me tell you that being a "real" person will get you a long way in life.

Both my husband and I are very open with each other, there’s never a time when we have to be afraid to make a call from each other’s phones and be afraid to give the phone to each other for a quick google check.

A big part of our marriage and relationship is that we support each other’s hobbies. Now ladies, just like how every man needs some space,women need this as well.

My hubby enjoys angling,he actually loves this sport and is part of The Inland Sharks Team under The Central Gauteng Association. He represents them in wait for it … “ A” Team baybee at the nationals every year.

I am his biggest supporter, and yes I can fish as well, I boated 2 x wahoo’s (7-8kgs), whilst on my first deep sea fishing expedition in Mauritius. No sea sickness,no drama,just bare feet,messy hair and well just the both of us on a luxury boat …why?

Because I support my MAN that’s all.

Coming back to my point, he does the very same for me. Supporting your spouse says a lot about a relationship. One is able to see a good relationship from a distance when there is support.

Another very important issue is to respect each other. I often watch how couples interact with each other, and it does really speak volumes when respect & manners are in place. Mind you if you have kid/s, they are watching every single detail going on.

So we have this thing in our house where some of my shoes are kept in the very last room of our house , every morning both my son and hubby get the pair I am looking for. So the conversation to ask for my shoe always has, “ A please,a thank you & a kiss".

Marriages these days are too sugar coated and everyone wants to please everyone else.

Social media is the go to place to follow trends and like everything.

Social media has killed verbal communication between human beings! We have a rule, no cellphones whilst sitting at any table where others are around. Hard to do when we want to “boomerang” and do a live video of our every move.

People change, people grow up and mature,the world and society are constantly changing.

Unfortunately, one has to change and grow with this ever changing world. Don’t be stuck in a backward world when things are changing.

When it comes to marriage, relationships and life, one has to put your entire being into that and make sacrifices.

Don’t always follow the trends of the past. We are living in a new world, wake up and smell the cappucino!

What worked 10 & 20 years ago in our parents and grandparents marriages were good for that particular time. We are living in a modern world, women especially need to be more liberal.

Don’t get me wrong, I am the first person to call my parents & my husband’s parents before making any decisions,but listen to your partner as well.

I think people have created somewhat of an imaginary world that marriage is “ a honeymoon”. Marriage ain’t no honeymoon honey!

I’m married for 5 years and to be honest , I don’t even have time to kiss my husband goodnight these days. In fact this year has been our busiest, sometimes by the time my hubby gets to bed, my kid and I are probably having our 3rd dream and mind you it works both ways.

To be in a marriage that works, one has to compromise and sacrifice that’s the bottom line. One has to help the other person, I mean just the other day, I had to drive in flippen bad weather because my hubby couldn’t see the road and was so sleepy. It’s the little things that make a difference and make your marriage a relationship.

To us, we believe that we can count on each other no matter what and we don’t make a certain job/task only for males or only for females, we do it whether we like or not.

By doing this, you are creating an environment of togetherness (UNITY), love, affection & respect for your kid.

Marriages are breaking every single day and it is high time that someone speaks up. WOMEN! YOU NEED TO RISE UP & EMPOWER YOURSELF!

I don’t have a manual on the perfect marriage but I can assure you that if you took a vow before God and you keep to that vow, then your marriage will be perfect.

Simply because God is perfect.

Society needs to stop creating this “honeymoon phase” in marriages.

To us (both my husband & I), we listen to what each other is NOT saying. That's our secret!

If you are one of those people that are acquainted with me, you would know I live to empower others.

Top tips from ChanyD on how to be genuinely happy in your marriage :

  1. Be your damn self!
  2. Follow the trends!
  3. Respect your partner.
  4. Speak properly to each other. Watch your tone!
  5. Help & support each other.
  6. Surprise each other whenever you get a chance,
  7. Enjoy life together
  8. Spend time together.
  9. Pray together
  10. Trust each other.

This blog-post is probably one of my most open ones with more to follow. I am just a realist enjoying my journey!

I hope someone somewhere receives some sort of relief after reading this opinion post and always remember that you are someone special & special to someone!

Until next time...

ChanyD😘